Nostalgia

Today marked the first day of my last semester of school for the foreseeable future. It is crazy to think that after 20 years, the end is finally here. It fills me with excitement, but also a little bit of terror as I think about what comes next. I have only looked into a few jobs and really need to start the search in earnest, but the nerves keep me from throwing myself into it right now. I just want to keep enjoying life in school for the time being. I'm not ready to say goodbye.

Last night, we had a goodbye party for one of our friends who decided that seminary is not the place for him right now. It filled me with nostalgia as I realized that he is the first of many whom I will have to bid farewell to. I am saddened by that fact. I love my friends here and am not quite ready for us to go our separate ways. In many ways, I feel like I'm just starting to get to know some people. I'm seeing new sides of friends I've had all three years here as well as getting to know more deeply other people who have resurfaced in my life after some time away.

I actually just got back from a week in DC where I was visiting a new found friend who I had known in college. She goes to Wesley Theological Seminary now and was taking a class at PTS during our Jan term. It was great to see her again and to adventure with her while she was here. It made me realize what I had missed out on while in college by not initiating any sort of friendship with her while at Whitworth. I am so thankful that we had the opportunity to get to know each other better over the past month. She is a great person and I enjoy spending time with her and being goofy.

The experience with Sarah makes me wonder if I am missing out on any amazing people here right now. I was lucky enough to get a second chance at getting to know Sarah, but will that luck strike again?

With that in mind, I am determined to make the most out of the final 10 weeks of seminary. Last semester brought a lot of pain, but I'm hoping that this semester is better and that I finish strong. I know that there will be difficulties, but I want to make the most of the experience while I have it. I was talking to my boss today and he was encouraging me to have fun with my last bit of grad school. I'm sad for it to end and the farewells that will bring, but I'm excited for the new opportunities as well. So I will heed my boss' advice and have fun while it lasts.

Is This the New Year?

I love the symbolism of New Year's. The old has gone, the new has come. A chance to start fresh. A new beginning. This time around, I was really looking forward to New Year's with a special anticipation. 2011 was by all accounts a crappy year. From heart problems to the death of a former co-worker at camp; from a long and difficult summer to a semester full of high school-esque drama. It was not the best year. So seeing it come to an end was something I anticipated with delight. That is not to say that there weren't good things that happened during 2011. There definitely were. My mom and sister visited me at school and we spent a week traveling around the Tri-State area seeing the sights. I stood beside a beautiful friend while she married the love of her life. I made new friends and reconnected with old ones. But over all, I'm glad the year is over. I can put all the crap behind me and move on. I can let go of the pain, the suffering, the heartache, the gossip, and the loneliness. Surely 2012 will be better. A new year, a new start.

That is until I remember that just because it is January 1, life doesn't necessarily change. The things I was dealing with at the end of 2011 continue into 2012. Life isn't as easy as flipping over the calendar page to a new date. The New Year is in many ways just another night. Though I wish it were that easy and the things that hurt ended so quickly.

There is hope though. That is what this New Year's reminds me. Although 2012 hasn't brought a clean slate, it has brought a renewed sense of hope. The symbolism remains important. While I may still be feeling the effects of 2011, 2012 does being hope of something better. It reminds me that the pain of life doesn't get the last word. God remains good. And that is enough to let me look to the New Year with hope. It is a year that will undoubtedly bring challenges. I'm graduating and for the first time don't have a plan for what comes next. I'll be entering the professional world as well and that is exciting and terrifying at the same time. I don't know where 2012 will take me, but I look forward to the adventure.