Don't Worry, Be Happy: Year Theme Revisited

Following the tradition of a friend of mine, I started coming up with themes for the year on my birthday. This year's theme is Don't Worry, Be Happy. As I sat in the meeting for graduating seniors yesterday, in which they told us how to look for positions that are available and that we need to apply to graduate by December, I had to force myself to hold onto this theme. With each passing day, I am becoming more and more anxious about what life holds once I am handed my diploma on May 19. I have made contact with one church asking what sorts of material they would like from applicants, but am still waiting to hear back. I feel completely unequipped to be looking for jobs, let alone having a job. Time has moved way too quickly. I don't think I'm ready for real life to begin. Can I just stay in school a few more years, please?

And yet, I know that I don't want to be in school anymore. I want to be in the real world. I want to be doing something practical, to be doing the things for which I have been preparing during the past three years. Despite my feelings of being unequipped, I know that I am ready, that I have the skills and gifts necessary to do the things which I feel called to do (it's just a matter of convincing other people of that to get them to hire me). I think it was a slightly prophetic decision on my part to decide on "Don't Worry, Be Happy" as the theme for my 24th year. In many ways, this has been one of the most unsure years of my life and never before have I had to let go of worry as much as I have had over the past 7 months. I've come to realize worry won't get me anywhere. I can't worry my way into a job. In reality, worrying takes a lot more energy than sitting back and enjoying the ride. That is what I'll try to do. I'll put myself out there, send out resumes, make contacts, but I won't worry. Things will work out one way or another and if I ended living with my parents for a time while working at Starbucks, so be it. It won't be ideal, but it also won't be the end of the world.

Watching friends who graduated last year struggle trying to find jobs, I know the next few months won't be easy and I know there will probably be times of discouragement, but I also know that I don't go through this alone and that if a church says no to me, that doesn't mean I'm not good enough.

So, for the next few months I'll try not to worry, but to be happy.

Tiptoeing into Adulthood

In the past few weeks, I've been making a slow and tentative move toward adulthood. I feel that it is fitting to begin this move as I will be entering the realm of adulthood in a few short months. The thought of this terrifies me. I realized yesterday as I looked at a job posting for a job that I think would be amazing and seems perfect for me that I have no idea how to really apply for jobs. Thankfully, the school has good resources to help students apply for jobs and prepare for interviews. For now I am trying my best to not get too far ahead of myself and to not worry about what comes next. I am trying to enjoy the adventure while trying my hand at life outside of school.

This year, in addition to school, I am working as a household helper for a university professor (who is going through a divorce) and his two girls. I wash the laundry, change the linens, and, once a week, prepare dinner. I have been at it for about three weeks now and it has been an interesting adventure. I'm getting a small taste of what it takes to run a household. It is a lot of work, if you didn't already know. Trying to get the timing of preparing a meal in addition to making sure the laundry is done in time to be put away before the girls go to bed is a bit of a challenge for me. I am not good at keeping in line with a schedule. Last week, I tried my hand at sowing, which is actually quite difficult, all while trying to recreate the successful dinner from the week before. Let me say that it is a good thing the guy I work for is laid back and has no idea how to sow either so it didn't matter that it was not very pretty. I feel like each week I discover a new obstacle in maintaining a well run household. I am hoping I'll get the hang of it, but part of me thinks that I am not cut out for the tight ship sort of household. I am much more free flowing.

It has been good to have a bit of a home life, at least be a part of someone else's home life. I am finding that it keeps me grounded and reminds me that there is more to life than just writing papers and taking exams. Being around children prevents me from taking myself and life to seriously. Though I have no idea where life will take me come May, I am encouraged each time I go to work by the girls' simple attitudes toward the world. They are full of joy and curiosity. Everything in life is exciting and new and adventurous. Spending time with the girls is helping me live into the openness and freedom that comes from not having my next step planned. II can take life one day at a time and I'll be okay. I don't need to know where I'm headed next. Rather, I can live in the childlike trust that God is in control. As I tiptoe my way into adulthood--life beyond papers and exams and the other pressures of school--I am learning that I will be okay. I'm actually quite enjoying the adventure.