A New Phase of Life

On the ride up to Pearl River, NY with my grandfather, we got into a conversation about life phases. He's wife is currently going through a phase in which the members of her family are beginning to go their separate ways for the holidays. Adult children decide to go to their spouse's family for Thanksgiving or Christmas. Apparently this Thanksgiving will be the smallest that Anne has had in quite some time. During our conversation, it struck me that I am in a new phase of life as well. This is my first Thanksgiving away from home. Granted, this is not really by choice. I can't afford to fly home for both Thanksgiving and Christmas. However, the day will come, sooner than I probably think, that I will be choosing to go somewhere other than my family's home for a holiday. I am not so sure I am ready for that.

This being my first Thanksgiving away, I have been struggling with the loss of tradition. I am so used to the way things work at my house on Thanksgiving day. I always get up around 9 or 10 and watch the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade while attempting to do some homework. Then I make pie crust while listening to Bing Crosby's White Christmas (this is the only Christmas music allowed, all others must wait until the next day). My dad is the master of the kitchen, cooking the turkey and making all the fixings. Mom and I make the pies, occasionally with a little help from one of the younger siblings, especially Julia. Then around 3:30, my grandparents show up followed by my aunt and uncle. For the past several years, only my cousin Brandyn has been coming, but Robby and Tara may drop in for an hour or two before heading over to Tara's mom's. Dinner is at 4 and is quite the event. Everybody has their specific dish that they bring. My aunt brings creamed corn and cherry delight and Grandma brings cranberry bread and green bean casserole. Everyone feasts and talks and has a wonderful time. I am going to miss all that this year.

This year, I will be having Thanksgiving with my grandfather, who I have not seen since I was a sophomore in high school and my step-grandmother, who I just met for the first time upon arriving in Pearl River. It is her family's Thanksgiving that I am attending. I will know no one except for my grandfather and I am not sure he really counts since I have only seen him about five times in my entire life. It is going to be a completely different experience. I am anticipating feeling very awkward. So far, it hasn't been too bad. I have simply listened to my grandpa talk about how he met Anne and about her family history. To spice things up, I got a brief introduction into how the champions league for soccer in Europe works. The real fun begins tomorrow.

I guess I should not complain. At least I get to spend the holiday with family of some sort. It all just makes me think about how I have somehow grown up. I always knew that the day would come that I would no longer spend holidays at home, but I wasn't ready for it to come so quickly. I thought that it would be preceeded by building a family of my own and the resulting necessity to create new traditions. It just doesn't really seem right to be at this point of life now. While I am an independent individual and always have been, I am still a traditionalist when it comes to the holidays. I like to be with my family and do what we have always done. Thanksgiving doesn't seem to be right without my dad cooking the turkey and my aunt's cherry delight pie to wash it down. At least I do have a loaf of my grandma's cranberry bread. That will make this whole thing easier to bear. It is amazing how far a little taste of home goes at such a time as this.

So as I adjust to new traditions, I will always be thankful for those I have grown up with and I will look a head to the ones that I will make as the years pass. Change is hard, but it can be good. While this year's change wasn't completely desired, I know that it will be helpful in the years to come as I continue to break away from my family and begin to create one of my own. Growing up is a weird thing. You don't really notice it until it has already happened.

Not in High School Anymore

One unfortunate thing I have noticed about living in a small community is that people have the overwhelming tendency to return to their high school behaviors and gossip about each other. The other day, a friend of mine was told that all of the girls on the floor above her were talking about her. In this conversation, she was told that a couple of the girls don't like her simply because a lot of guys pay attention to her. This same friend was told by a guy friend today that early in the year a bunch of guys were sitting together at a meal and decided that she was one of the most attractive girls on campus, but none of them have been man enough to make a move. I think a lot of seminarians need a reminder that this is not high school. That ship has sailed and should never be taken out into open water again. High school is not the summation of life and should not be recreated.

It frustrates me how many people here feel like they have to hide their cross-sex friendships for fear of creating a scandal. I cannot sit with a group of guys at lunch without automatically being interested in one of them. The worst part about all of this, no one is courageous enough to actually ask the people involved what is going on. They simply make assumptions and then spread those assumptions around the school, which takes about two seconds. After hanging out with a guy for more than five minutes, I should be dating him. But will anyone actually ask if that is the truth? Probably not.

What is it about the human condition that drives people to gossip? Why do we love scandal and feel the need to create it where there is none? Why can't we just ask people straight out what is going on?

Don't get me wrong, there is much that I love about being at seminary. I love everyone that I know here. I just hate the tendency to gossip. It is frustrating and creates complication where there should be none. Relationships (friendship, dating, and otherwise) are difficult enough without the added layer of possible scandal put on top.

Feels like Home?

I have now been at seminary for a month and a half and I am really beginning to get settled. It feels as though I have been here for much longer, but it is not quite home yet. I am thoroughly enjoying my time here. Classes are interesting and not especially difficult. The town of Princeton is great and offers quite a lot for a poor grad student. I have a very good core group of friends already established, and I know many of the ties will last forever. However, none of us have really gotten our feet underneath us. We aren't really used to the whole seminary thing. This has been clearly demonstrated by the extreme anxiety brought about by the first big exam of the first years' seminary career. Fortunately, I was able to waive the class in question, but the majority of my friends suffered through this experience. The class is Old Testament and the requirements for the midterm exam were ridiculous. I freely admit that looking at a friend's study guide did induce a twinge of fear, but in reality the test was not much more difficult than a 400-level undergrad midterm. The difference is that we are just newbies and are still nervous about the supposed rigor of grad school. Yes, it is challenging, but it is not anything that we cannot handle. By the very nature of being at seminary we have shown intellectual ability above average. Besides, the Reformed theology that grounds our education at Princeton would remind us that we were predestined to be at this seminary for a reason and God will preserve us. All of this aside, the fervor created about the OT midterm evinces how this is not yet home.

Noting this, it is interesting to look around at my fellow students and see how they have responded to the time we have been here. While we are not fully settled, there is a sense that seminary has lasted longer than a month and a half. The most intriguing example of this is the tendency of the first years to pair off into romantically involved couples. Many of my friends are a part of such a couple. Some of these couples started dating within the first few weeks of classes. In light of this, it seems, at times, as if everyone is anxious to be established in life. It is as if by virtue of being in seminary we have grown up and should start acting accordingly. Obviously we know what we want out of life and where we are going, right? I may or may not be involved in a developing relationship myself. I understand the desire to get this aspect life together. Most of my friends from undergrad are married, engaged, or in dating relationships. Coming to seminary, many people remarked that this will be the place that I find my husband. While this may be good and true, it should not be the focus of my time here. That is not to say that those who are involved in romantic relationships are overly focused on finding a spouse. I do not think that of any of them. It has just been an interesting phenomenon to witness and, in some ways, participate in.

This blog morphed into something completely different than intended, but I think it captures my current state of mind fairly accurately. Seminary is not quite home, but through relationships it is beginning to feel more like it.