I am now almost half way through my summer internship as a hospital chaplain. So far, it has been a trying and stretching experience. I can't say if it has been good or bad. There are hard days and great days and days in between. Most days I have no idea what I am doing. The major lesson that I'm learning is that no one really knows what they are doing. All we can do is be ourselves and listen to people's stories.
The stories are remarkable. I have heard about great joys and deep sorrows. I talk with older patients who have lived long and good lives who are ready for their "ticket home." And within the same day I have listened to young women who relate their struggles with addiction though sobs. I have sat with people right after they received a terminal cancer diagnosis and with families bracing themselves for what seems to be the inevitable death of their loved one. It is a privilege to be with people in these times, to offer a comforting presence and listening ear.
I'm not going to lie, chaplaincy is one of the hardest jobs I've ever done. It is emotionally exhausting. I can't say I look forward to being at the hospital every day, but once I'm there, if I open myself to it, I will experience the movements of the Spirit. I will meet Jesus in the faces of the patients I sit with. That's what I have to keep telling myself each day as I drive to the hospital and prepare to enter a patient's room.
God has been good to me so far this summer and has provided all that I need to keep moving. This has been the most exhausting summer of my life so far, but I am learning a lot. I am not sure I want to do this the rest of my life, but I think I will look on it as an extremely valuable experience.
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