The Beginning of the End

Tomorrow is my 20th (and last) straight first day of school. That is a slightly terrifying as well as exciting thought. I can't believe my last year of school, for the foreseeable future that is, starts tomorrow. Real life starts in 8 short months. I think I would feel more prepared if other areas of life felt more sure and grounded. Right now, everything feels up in the air adding to the anxiety and nervousness that comes with facing the end of the only thing I've done for most of my life. All I know how to do is school. I know how to write papers and take exams. I don't know how to live a real life. I have never made a budget, I've never had to do much of a job search, I've never been anything other than a student helper or intern. I think one of the reasons why I went to grad school to begin with is because school is comfortable. It's all I've ever done.

Facing the end of an era is a scary thing. Change is terrifying. But it is also exciting. Change is new and different and offers adventure. Change allows for growth. Though I'm scared of what comes next and unsure of what steps I will take once school ends, I am also excited at the new possibilities that await me. I am nervous about how this year is going to turn out, especially with friendships. Senior year is always supposed to be the best year. I've yet to have a spectacular senior year in either of the two I've had so far. I'm hoping this will be different. It's not off to a promising start, but a lot can change in 8 months. I guess the upside is that if it turns out terribly, it all ends in 8 months and I can start something new.

My hope and prayer for this year is that I will continue to sure up a solid foundation from which I can grow as I begin to walk under my own power. The convocation address tonight gave a lot of ideas of how to make this year the best it can be. The three areas of investment will be my focus throughout this year: gratitude, vocational friendships, and paying attention to God. I think by investing in these three areas, I will be in a good place when I receive my diploma in the Princeton University Chapel in May. Though life after school terrifies me, I know that I do not go alone and that the way has been prepared for me by the good and gracious God who created me for this and loves me through all that life brings. With God as my focus, I know I can make it through all that this year brings me. I simply hope it brings more joy than sorrow.

Here's to a the best last year of school a seminarian could ask for!