I honestly cannot believe that next Tuesday marks the end of my first year in seminary. The time cannot have gone so quickly. It feels like yesterday that I was pulling up alongside Brown Hall in a rented car packed full of stuff, tired after a 10-day road trip full of fun and adventure with my mom and the various friends and family visited along the way, as well as nervous about what the year was going to hold. Questions were flying through my brain crashing into each other as I wrestled to find answers that would take away the nerves. What would the people be like? Would I do well in class? Will I survive grad school? Do I have what it takes? Will I meet any cute boys? You know, the usual questions when facing a new situation. I am happy to say that the answers I have to those initial questions are all positive. The people are, on the whole, fantastic. I have done well in class, perhaps not as well as I would have liked, but well enough. So far I have survived grad school, which makes me believe that I have what it takes. And yes, I have met some cute boys and yes, there is one in particular who caught my eye and whose eye I somehow caught as well.
While those thoughts and worries seem to have been consuming my mind quite recently, it also seems as though a lifetime stands between me and that first nervous day of unpacking and meeting the people I would be spending the next three years with. I am a different person than the one who first came into Brown 404 on that sunny morning of September 15. My life plans have changed since coming here. I am changing denominations in order to pursue ordination. I am considering the possibilities of overseas missions in Africa. I have fallen in love. I have lost a very dear friend. I have made friendships that will last forever. I have become an aunt. I have road tripped to Tennessee and back. I have laughed and I have cried. I have yelled and I have been yelled at. I have forgiven and I have been forgiven. I have argued and I have praised. I have taken friends to the hospital and I have been taken by friends to the hospital. I have comforted and I have been comforted. As I reflect on all that this year has held, I am amazed at what eight months can hold and how they can irrevocably change one's life. I haven't changed enough to no longer recognize the young woman who was full of nerves and questions, but enough to say that my life is different than it was. It seems strange to me that a year ago at this time I was preparing to graduate college and was facing the unknowns of post-college life. That seems like light-years ago.
Overall, I am thankful for what this year has held and the changes it has wrought. There are definitely experiences I wish I could have done without. I wish I could be writing this knowing that Lee was going to read it. I wish life had a little more certainty right now. However, even as I say that, I am reminded that life is completely certain because of who God is. I know that I don't walk through life alone. I walk it with the God who has conquered death. I have been born into a living hope that is grounded in the resurrection of Jesus Christ. I have no reason for worry, but only to cast that on the God who cares for me. Granted this is all easier to say than to actually put into practice, but it is good to remind myself on a regular basis and let go of my white-knuckled grip on the trunk full of worries and uncertainties and my need for control.
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