Out of the Depths I Cry

Ever have those days that feel more like a dream than a reality? Today was one of those days for me, but today was more the stuff of nightmares than dreams. No one warned me to expect days quite like this. I mean, yeah, "mama said there'd be days like this." But I don't think that song applies to the day that I am finding myself at the end of. I won't go into details, but it was a day full of rejection, crisis, hurt, getting lost, Murphy's Law, and depression. It was a day of hopelessness. It was a day where the only words left to say are those of Psalm 130:

1 Out of the depths I cry to you, O Lord.
2 Lord, hear my voice!
Let your ears be attentive
to the voice of my supplications!

3 If you, O Lord, should mark iniquities,
Lord, who could stand?
4 But there is forgiveness with you,
so that you may be revered.

5 I wait for the Lord, my soul waits,
and in his word I hope;
6 my soul waits for the Lord
more than those who watch for the morning,
more than those who watch for the morning.

7 O Israel, hope in the Lord!
For with the Lord there is steadfast love,
and with him is great power to redeem.
8 It is he who will redeem Israel
from all its iniquities.

This Psalm has been a bit of a refrain the last few weeks. It seems to constantly come up. It was the lectionary text for this past week and was consequently the sermon text for Sunday, but also the sermon text for chapel last Monday. It was the hymn text of choice in a discussion on Luther's hymns in a worship renewal class. "Out of the depths" seems to be on everybody's lips.

Right now, I'm feeling a little bit more of verses 1-2, 5-6 than 7-8. Hope is running low. I am at the end. I am throwing in the towel of surrender. God, I can't take anymore! I need relief! Hear my voice! Listen to my cry! I am waiting for God to be God, to show in the midst of the darkness and to bring light, to make things right, to renew hope and joy.

The worst part about all of this is that many of my friends are also in this place or worse. Hope seems to be in short supply right now. This is the season of advent when we are supposed to be rejoicing in the hope that we have. It is a season all about hope. It is also a season of waiting. All I feel right now is the waiting. Waiting for God, more than those who watch for the morning. I am tired of waiting. I am growing impatient. I am ready for God to show up. I need God to show up. I need God to renew hope and to breathe life into myself and into my dear friends who are also greatly burdened and crying out from the depths. But there seems no relief. So I will wait and cry, Lord come, won't you come, oh come and rescue me!